18 ouders die exact weten hoe het is om kinderen te hebben (spoiler alert: geen pretje)
De lange zomerdagen strekken zich weer voor ons uit. Met andere woorden, lekker veel tijd om met de kinderen door te brengen. Dus bereid je maar voor…
1. Je schrikt je te pletter
Looking in the rear view mirror gave me a freaking heart attack today. My daughter’s elephant mask is nightmare fuel and children are just terrifying. pic.twitter.com/pi9C1U9U6P
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) 4 juli 2018
2. Ach, goed voor de weerstand
[pregnant with first child]
Wife: our daughter is only going to eat organic, non-gmo, non-processed foods and drink volcanic rock filtered water from the island of Atlantis.
[two years later]
Me: our daughter just licked Cheeto crumbs off the floor.
Wife: she’s fine.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) 4 juli 2018
3. Je moet goed voorbereid zijn
ME:*one second after the power goes out* which of our children shall we sacrifice to the gods first
— wylde de beest (@flashember) 5 juli 2018
4. Dat is pas ambitieus
5yo: When I die, I’m gonna haunt houses.
Shit, I don’t even know what I’m doing with the rest of my time on earth and this kid’s got her afterlife plans all nailed down.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) 5 juli 2018
5. Wat een positiviteit
7yo: look at this monstrosity!
Guess who learned a new word today?
— Linda (@turtledumplin) 4 juli 2018
6. Hij hoeft niet te weten dat het elke dag pyjamadag is…
Life hack: If you tell the pizza delivery person “Thanks so much, you’re making our Pajama Day awesome!” when you and your toddler answer the door in pj’s, you transform from the mom who couldn’t get her shit together into the fun mom who hosts theme days.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) 5 juni 2018
7. Goed bezig geweest!
[coaching little league]
KID: did I do good today,coach
ME: you ate 4 dandelions in the 3rd inning alone, Brayden— Brandon the Cow (@Brampersandon_) 9 juli 2018
8. Goede reden!
wife: Why is there ice cream in the dryer!?
me [whispers to toddler] Why is there ice cream in the dryer?
toddler [whispers] Because it was wet
me: Because it was wet!— Josh (@iwearaonesie) 7 juni 2018
9. Ennnnn genoeg
My 5yo daughter, through a mouthful of cherries: “Mrphpmmph”
Me: “What?”
My 5yo: “Mrphpmmph mph Mrpheemph”
Me: “Baby, swallow first.”
*gulp*
My 5yo: “I’m gonna get so much diarrhea from this.”
Me: “Ok, you’re all done with the cherries.”— Ryan Pollard™ makes stuff. (@rdpollard) 8 juli 2018
10. Doodeng
There’s scary & then there’s hearing a toy talking for no reason in the middle of the night through a baby monitor scary
— Mom Truths (@momtruths2btold) 7 juni 2018
11. Wat moet je hier nou mee, opvoedtechnisch gezien?
I just told my 7yo that it was almost bedtime and he said “Hmm, good to know, pork head”, so do I apply to be on Super Nanny now or
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) 3 juli 2018
12. Dat zal ze leren
To get back at my kids for asking “Are we there yet?” during long car rides, I’m gonna start asking “Are we done yet?” during their long-ass stories.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) 25 april 2018
13. Pak allemaal een boze wasbeer om op te oefenen
Instructor: Welcome to our Summer with Kids Preparedness class. Our first lesson is how to apply sunscreen. Everyone grab an angry raccoon.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) 2 augustus 2016
14. Treffend
9yo discovered the lab label-maker! #DrosLife pic.twitter.com/aMUCtPVWZq
— Tristan A F Long 🔬 (@thelonglab) 9 juli 2018
15. EEEETTENNNNNN!!!!!!
Asking your child to go get their sibling for dinner is just asking them to stand next to you and scream their sibling’s name.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) 27 juni 2018
16. Sorry schat, dat gaat te ver
Me: My beautiful daughter, I would cross oceans and move mountains for you. I would fly into the darkness if I knew it would make you happy.
Daughter: Can I have a Dorito?
Me: I’m sorry but these are, unfortunately, my Doritos.
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) 28 juni 2018
17. GEEN ZORGEN
<horrible crash from the playroom>
7yo: DON’T WORRY I’M JUST ORGANIZING— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) 4 juli 2018
18. Leren tellen, geen probleem
[Toy Store]
Customer: I’m looking for a toy that will help my baby learn to count but will also haunt him for the rest of his life.
Me: I got you. pic.twitter.com/EJZxyFIsf4
— Father Drinks McGee (@drinksmcgee) 10 mei 2018
Bron: Buzzfeed
LEES OOK: Beste ouders, leg je mobieltje nou gewoon effe weg (voordat je kind kwijt is)
