Voordat je kinderen krijgt heb je altijd bepaalde voornemens. Jouw kind gaat niet snoepen, beleefd zijn tegen vreemden en altijd op tijd naar bed, zodat jij en je man ’s avonds nog alle tijd hebben om het liefdesvuur brandende te houden. Als je eenmaal kinderen hebt kom je erachter dat je allang tevreden bent als je kinderen voor middernacht in bed liggen, en jij zelf een halve cracker hebt gegeten.
Before kids: Kids will help me with everything around the house.
After kids: *scrapes foreign object off wall with chisel*
— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) December 7, 2016
My goals before kids:
1) Get promoted.
2) Do a marathon.
My goals after kids:
1) Put on pants
2) Fall asleep without crying
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 29, 2016
Girl’s Night Out before kids: Hair done, high heels, red lipstick, low cut top, perfume.
Girl’s Night Out after kids: Underwire bra, pants.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) December 16, 2016
I’m not going to let kids stop me from doing what I want!
*turns down literally every invitation because, kids*
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 28, 2017
Movie criteria before kids: Is it good?
Movie criteria after kids: How long is it? It’s already 9 and I’m really tired.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) February 27, 2017
Before kids: “I won’t assume others find my kid cute.”
After kids: *Arranges furniture around play area so everyone can enjoy the cuteness.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) September 29, 2016
Life before kids:
Who would ever need “THIS” in bulk?!
Life as a parent after kids:
How did we ever do without “THIS” in bulk?!
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) October 10, 2016
Marriage goals before kids: Make love daily, don’t take each other for granted, disagree respectfully.
After: Stay up after kids go to bed.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) December 19, 2016
How I knew he was the one: Before Kids: brought me flowers & wine.
Why I still know: After Kids: Brings me coffee in bulk and wine in bulk.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) January 27, 2015
Exciting Groupon offers…
•Bed & breakfasts
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) April 25, 2016
Before kids: Someone else pukes, YOU puke.
After kids: Watching, fascinated, as your boy power-boots across the room. Meatloaf! I knew it!
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) November 20, 2014
Before kids: OMG these painful shoes are SO cute! *buys*
After kids: I’ll take these ergonomic, moderately hideous shoes in all 4 colors.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) March 15, 2017
Before kids: Ashamed to admit you liked that raunchy porn
After kids: Ashamed to admit you really liked that movie w/ the talking cat
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) January 9, 2017
Before kids: Quiet children seems like a nice goal.
After kids: What’s the medical term for “fear of quiet children” because I have that.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) July 12, 2016
Before kids: I need those shoes!!
After kids: Did you see that new mop that cleans the baseboards!!
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) July 8, 2015
Google before kids: “Cool sex moves”
Google after kids: “LEGO Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu: Rebooted: Fall of the Golden Master Season 3”
— highlyirritable (@highlyirritable) October 7, 2015
Trips before kids:
Let’s spontaneously leave for the weekend in 10 minutes!
It’s going to take all weekend just to pack.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) December 31, 2016
Before Kids: Long day. Let’s go out and treat ourselves to a nice dinner.
After Kids: I FOUND A CHCKEN NUGGET IN THE COUCH! WANNA SPLIT IT?
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 30, 2015
Disney movies and song before having kids: 😁
After having kids: pic.twitter.com/hbIBWmvyDt
— Corbin Adam Scott (@corbinadamscott) May 1, 2017
Saturdays before kids: (calm voice) “What should we do today?”
Saturdays after kids: (panicked voice) “What should we do today?”
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) February 8, 2014
Before kids: Catch a cold and you’re sick for 3 days.
After kids: Catch a cold and you’re sick for 10 years.
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) May 13, 2016
Romance before kids: Flowers, wine, candles, foreplay
Romance after kids: When my husband uses air freshener after he destroys our bathroom
— Ramblin’ Mama (@ramblinma) May 17, 2016
Before kids: My best friends are the ones I hear from the most.
After kids: My best friends are the ones who expect the least of me.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 14, 2017
Before kids: OMG, gross, I HAVE to shower everyday.
After kids: Isn’t showering more than a few times a week bad for your skin anyway?
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 24, 2017
Sex before kids: Everywhere. Anywhere. Hot.
Sex after kids: In the midst of sneaking, you kick a pile of toys and Olaf screams “HEADS UP!”
— Court (@Discourt) March 23, 2015
Goals for kids before actually having them: have infinite patience, never cuss, don’t let them watch TV.
After: get them to put on shoes.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) March 15, 2017
Before kids: I’d help my kids achieve any dream, no questions!
After Kids: Kid says they want to grow up to be a meatball & u need a minute
— Susan McLean (@NoDomesticDiva) September 10, 2016
NY Goals before kids:
Eat better, exercise, spend more time w/friends, be open to opportunities.
Keep them alive 1 more year
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) December 29, 2016
Before kids: Online shopping–alone and at home–is such a luxury.
After kids: Shopping–alone and at an actual store–is such a luxury.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) April 28, 2017
(Bron: Huffington Post)
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