Dat Twitter vol staat met tweets van grappige ouders wisten we inmiddels al, maar ook de Twitteraars zonder kinderen kunnen er wat van.
HER: Do you want to have kids?
HER: Why not?
ME: I couldn’t take all the crying
HER: They don’t cry all the time
ME: No, I meant me
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) November 3, 2016
*everybody gasps as I drop the baby*
Oh no was it expensive?
— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) December 7, 2014
[couple tossing baby back and forth]
judge: custody granted
dad: [holding baby] AW DAMMIT
— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) February 22, 2015
oh your son is 73 months old that’s cool i literally i have no idea if he’s five or forty two
— jonbeignet ramsey (@jdelwoo) June 20, 2012
*someone hands me a baby*
Oh… no thank you
*places baby on the ground*
— moody monday (@mdob11) April 25, 2014
“See the majestic falcon flying”
*falcon grabs my baby and carries him away*
“Oh my god NOOO”
— space (@brilliantwit) February 18, 2015
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) August 7, 2013
WIFE: [handing me crying baby] will u please change him
[drives to hospital]
ME: hi yes my baby is crying can i get a new one
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) August 15, 2016
My neighbors have both a howling dog and a screaming baby out in their yard. I’d throw a rock or something but I’m afraid I’d hit the dog.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) February 21, 2011
*pats crying child on the back*
*child keeps crying*
“Did you not just hear when I said, ‘There, there’? Shut up, already”
— It’s Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) December 18, 2014
There is a drinking game where you drink every time a kid annoys you. It’s called “parenting.”
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) December 30, 2012
“You don’t want children? That’s selfish!”
“It IS? I’d better get a vasectomy so I don’t pass on my selfish genes!”
— Zach Weinersmith (@ZachWeiner) January 18, 2016
Mom holding crying baby: He just needs to be changed.
Me: Yeah hopefully into a puppy or something quieter.
— Twitnter is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 5, 2015
Friend: [showing baby photos]
Me: Ah yes, very baby
— moody monday (@mdob11) August 15, 2015
me: i dont want any kids
person: *low chuckle* oh, you’ll change your mind.
me: *grabs them by collar* tell me more about the future, wizard
— KING RAINHEAD (@KingRainhead) September 4, 2014
A horror film about a creature that grows in a woman, comes out and follows her around for 18 yrs telling her she’s fat and begging for gum.
— Amber (@ambamthankyamam) May 19, 2013
Have you talked to YOUR doctor about Baby Fever? Side effects may include poverty, poorness, brokeitude
— Paul Jay (@pauljaycomic) May 19, 2013
“Mommy, where do babies come from?”
“Well, when two people hate themselves, and want to never have fun again or achieve their dreams…”
— charles sizemore (@ChuckSize) May 2, 2014
Lees ook: Deze ouders hielden zich niet in op Twitter.