Geweldig! Komiek deelt de grappigste gesprekken met zijn dochters
Komiek James Breakwell deelt op Twitter de grappigste conversaties die hij met zijn 4 dochters voert. Ze laten niets van hem heel: van zijn slechte gevoel voor mode, tot zijn salaris wat te laag is om mee naar Disneyland mee te gaan.
1. Geen twijfel over mogelijk
No DNA test needed.
I’m sure she’s mine. pic.twitter.com/C1FntjdRUE
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2015
2. Oeps…
[3-year-old rides her bike]
Me: I taught her everything she needs to know
Wife: Braking?
Me: I taught her half of what she needs to know.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 17, 2016
3. Als vader heb je maar één taak
Me: Stay dressed when you pee.
3-year-old daughter: Why do you keep telling me to keep my clothes on?
Me: It’s my main job as your father.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 4, 2016
4. Soms is de oplossing makkelijk
Toddler: *spills an entire bowl of popcorn and then eats it off the floor*
5-year-old: Stop it!
Me: Let her go. I don’t want to vacuum.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 17, 2016
5. Er zijn wel een paar basiseisen
3-year-old daughter: A boy at daycare said he likes me.
Me: Do you like him back?
3: He colors outside the lines. He needs to grow up.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2016
6. Dat pakte anders uit dan verwacht
Me: You forgot to brush your teeth. They’re going to fall out.
5-year-old: That’s the point.
That tooth fairy story backfired.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 14, 2016
7. Wel een beetje verontrustend
Me: You can’t like Kylo Ren. He killed his dad.
5-year-old: Maybe he deserved it.
I’m never sleeping again.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 11, 2016
8. prioriteiten
[reading “Hansel and Gretel”]
Me: Would you want to live in a gingerbread house?
5-year-old: Does it have Wi-Fi?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 9, 2016
9. Bijna gelukt
Yes, I pulled off the pudding heist.
I would have gotten away with it, too, if I didn’t get stuck in the damn chair pic.twitter.com/OhGCMA3dSM
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 6, 2016
10. ‘Waarom eten we niet gewoon altijd macaroni?’
[grocery store]
3: How come macaroni and cheese isn’t on every shelf?
Me: Some people think other food tastes good, too
3: They’re wrong.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 9, 2016
11. Goed verhaal
Me: Why are you poking holes in that paper?
3-year-old: Practice.
Me: Practice for what?
3: Poking holes.
I’m glad we cleared that up.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 8, 2016
12. Stijlgevoel word je mee geboren
5-year-old: *puts on Ninja Turtle pants & an Elsa shirt*
Me: Are you sure you want to wear that to school?
5: You’ll never understand cool
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 16, 2016
13. Neem er anders een baantje bij?
5-year-old: Can we go to Disneyland?
Me: It costs too much money.
5:
Me:
5: Can you make more money?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 5, 2016
14. Dan blijft er geen ruimte meer over
3-year-old daughter: Will I have a baby in my belly someday?
Me: If you want to.
3: No thanks. That’s where I put my candy.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 5, 2016
15. Wel oplossingsgericht
Me: You put your coat on upside down.
3-year-old: No, I didn’t.
Me: Your hood is on the bottom.
3: My butt gets cold.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 26, 2016
16. Goed om te weten
[watching a guy on TV do CPR]
5-year-old daughter: Why is he kissing her?
Me: He’s not. He’s saving her life.
5: I’d rather die.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 23, 2016
17. Fijn!
5-year-old: You don’t have many friends to play with.
Me: I guess not.
5: I told my teacher you always play with yourself.
Thanks, kid.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 21, 2016
18. En bedankt…
5-year-old: I wish I was a princess.
Me: You’re my princess, and this is our realm.
5: *looks around our house* This kingdom sucks.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 19, 2016
19. Soms ben je een trotse ouder
Me: How was daycare?
3-year-old: I didn’t punch anyone today.
Me:
3:
Me: *buys her ice cream*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 16, 2016
20. Jij misschien niet!
5-year-old: *rubs her head*
Me: What’s wrong?
5: I think I pulled a brain muscle.
Me: Brains don’t have muscles.
5: Maybe yours doesn’t.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 11, 2016
21. Mama heeft altijd gelijk
Me: What color do you want your room?
5-year-old daughter: Gold with sparkles.
Me: How about yellow?
5: Mom’s right. You never listen.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 29, 2016
22. Een goede start van de dag
3-year-old: *pours M&Ms in her Lucky Charms*
Me: What are you doing?
3-year-old: Making a salad.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2015
23. Zo veel keus
Me: We’ve taken 1,000 pics. We’re never going to get all 4 kids smiling at once.
Wife: Fine. Just pick the best one pic.twitter.com/E7jDR5uGIm
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 27, 2016
24. Is ook belangrijk werk
Me: Being a mommy is a very important job.
3-year-old daughter: Does it pay a lot?
Me: It doesn’t pay anything.
3: I’ll be a mailman.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 6, 2016
(Bron: Popsugar)
Lees ook: Haha! De tweets van deze Amerikaanse komiek zijn echt om te gieren.
